-I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

-I see you have set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

-I'm really easy to get along with as soon as people learn to worship me.

-I'll try to be nicer if your try to be smarter.

-I don't work here I am a consultant.

-You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

-The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you are an artist.

-I'm out of my mind but feel free to leave a message.

-It sounds like English but I don't understand a word you are saying.

-I am not being rude. You are just being insignificant.

-It's a thankless job, but I have a lot of karma to burn off.
You sound reasonable. Time to up the medication.

-My toys, my toys! I can't do this job without my toys.

-It might look like I am doing nothing but at the cellular level I am really quite busy.

-Who me? I just wander from room to room.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I can see your point of view, but I still think you are full of crap.

What am I ? Flypaper for freaks?

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.