45 Fun Things To Do On A Paper

1. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with
really small fonts.

2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.

3. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking
them all over the professor's door.

4. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your
friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.

5. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have
used nunchakus or katanas.

6. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them
on the page, ransom-note style.

7. End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".

8. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog
from eating it.

9. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do
the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if
it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious.
If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper
actually exists.

10. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was
supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?

11. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed
while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.

12. Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.

13. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the
paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk.

14. The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that
you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military
information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist
that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an 'A'.

15. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you
were trying to get the feel for the period.

16. Turn in a letter your wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts
you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper
mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back,
but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while. (This is a
nifty way to get an extension.)

17. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate
cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.

18. Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your
primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until
the next full moon.

19. Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on
the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over
by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.

20. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by
the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell
you to include footnotes.

21. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper,
perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper
and correct all your typos.

22. Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera-style,
and hand that in.

23. Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might
cause a person to prefer anchovies.

24. Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several
different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different
perspectives on your work.

25. TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..

26. Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and
hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional
one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly express what you
had to say.

27. Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc
Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear.
Say that Worf is Ophelia.

28. Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.

29. Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member
of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees
caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.

30. Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words
of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time.

31. Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only a few
pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.

32. Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows
on the way to class.

33. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping.
Say that that was all the paper you had.

34. Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is "less
filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why Aristotle would
have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers'
reactions to Spuds McKensie.

35. Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.

36. Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages
and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other
interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting
one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-\|/??!]}.

37. Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the
picture as a resource.

38. On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and
screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class
a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell,
"There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all
through the period, or until the prof throws you out.

39. Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the
paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the
horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.

40. Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things.
For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in
Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire
collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.

41. Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For
example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky".

42. Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's whenevew
you weawwy want to type r's ow l's.

43. Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty
Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.

44. When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline
of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.

45. Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in
a bar so that you could see "sociology in action".